Saturday, May 13, 2006

Invasion of Yarn

My brain has been taken over by the fiber monsters that be. I was lured in by the infectiously simple wiener link pattern served up by Lady Linoleum. I still can't explain the NEED to make meat out of yarn, but like a drone looking for purpose, I'd found mine in acrylic fiber hot dog links. No more than eight links in, I was hooked (pun intended) on crochet again. Like a conspiracy theorist in search of a U.F.O. and pickled aliens, I was prowling the internet for patterns and discount yarn that I'd never seen before. I even unraveled the mystery of yarn gauge in the flash of a ray gun, but not in enough time to decipher the mad methods of the Ebay yarn hoarders. Evil last-minute bidding species. *curse*spit*

After perusing many a website and thumbing through numerous magazines and books, I settled for Essential Crochet, by Erika Knight. To my surprise, it was the same Ms. Knight who wrote Simple Crochet, which made me want to pick up crochet in the first place.....lucky me, right? Well, I'm such a fiber frosh that it never occurred to me that every project that I was busily planning in my head according to exact yarn recommendations was gonna run $70 dollars at a minimum. Well, enter conspiracy theory number one that Red Heart is run by extraterrestrial super-power who plans to take control of planet Earth by 2010. So off to Elann for alternatives for my must-do blanket, requiring 7 skeins of no less than 12 colors so picturesquely stitched up in Rowan cotton "Glace". Depressed that even the cheapest 100% cotton alternative would still cost me about.....$250 (I almost cried), I headed for Ebay. Enter conspiracy theory number 2 that the fore-mentioned Ebay opportunists came to Earth in a spaceship made of Red Heart yarn. I'm not bitter (I promise), just raw from defeat. As it turned out, my local yarn shop lady convinced that there is no shame in a $3 skein of Bernat. I settled for the half-truth, because, frankly, the need to prove, or disprove, my theories was suppressed by my need to maintain the momentum of my creative urges. For my next project, I'm gonna fashion myself a lovely tin foil cap....stay tuned.


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